The following is an essay my sister wrote about her approach to Black Sunday. Since the piece is timely, and she has no blogspot of her own, I offered to post it for her. I hope you enjoy.
THOUGHTS ON V-DAY or WHY THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL IS MY VALENTINE
I don't have a blog, but there are some times in life I wish I did. Today on the bus, as this lovely holiday approaches, I was thinking about Valentine's Day. So, here it goes. Hopefully it will make you chuckle....if you go for the slightly cynical…
Let's be honest, whether you're in a loving relationship or not, this holiday blows. You can pretend "Oh, let's love each other and just spread love." But we know this holiday was created for some commercial crap and those stupid in love couples. Now, I've had good boyfriends on V-day and my expectations became so ridiculously high about how they will surprise me, what gift they might get, only to find one year that my boyfriend was working and forgot and another year I ended up with a crappy box of chocolate from the freakin grocery store.
So this year I've decided to pretend it doesn't exist. This might seem weird since I'm writing something about it, but I would like to share with you what that looks like. For example, if I'm watching TV and see a commercial for something to do with hearts and jewelry for V-day, I change the channel and move onto another show. That network just lost me as a viewer (for that time.) Sad for them. This has resulted in me watching a lot of Discovery Channel shows like Man vs. Wild, Dirtiest Job, and Deadliest Catch because the Discovery Channel doesn't give a rat's ass about V-day...love them! I could watch Bear Grylls (the host of Man vs. Wild) almost get killed by a bear any day. It never disappoints because he always manages to make it out alive! Shocking!
Another example - I was walking to the train today with my normal routine of grabbing a copy of the Red Eye, the free Chicago daily newspaper, and there was a big fat stupid looking cupid on the front and I went to grab for it and decided not to. This holiday does not exist and I am not familiar with that character. Done and done.
Third, people everywhere are talking about their V-day plans. I'm in Chicago and they like to say they're "relationship people" so EVERYONE is taken, mostly young and don't-know-any-better-cuz-it's-so-cold people. I immediately change the conversation to see who watched the most recent Man vs. Wild or how much I still love Jersey Shore. You'll be surprised how easy it is to distract people from talking about their weekend plans if you bring up Jersey Shore...who DOESN'T love/hate Snookie?
Now, TV won't always save you from the nagging reminder you are single, a detrimental state of mind that only V-day can magnify to the tenth degree. In which case, look to the power that thinking about horrible relationships holds. If I start to feel sorry for myself, I think about those horrible douches I dated in the past or the couples for which I thank God every day I am not one of them in that schmoopy vs. schmoopy relationship. This sets my mind at ease and reminds me how awesome I am for not being with that long gone asshole or in a relationship that sounds like too much work for it's own good.
Last, I would like to point out how damaging this holiday is for people who JUST started dating. It's a curse and not fun at all. You have to ask yourself, “Do I wish him/her a happy V-day?” “Do I have to hangout with him/her on V-day?” “Are they going to expect me to buy flowers,” etc, etc. Having to watch those painful V-day commercials with your new dude is awkward and you both shift in your seat. (I recently had this happen and asked if he could turn to the Discovery Channel instead.) Any dude who calls me around this holiday is not only the bravest man on earth but also welcoming me to go to Crazytown (my friend Bridget's word that I love) with my sudden urge to expect something from him. What a brave freakin soul! I don't even think Bear Grylls could get out that one alive. (I write this because, yes, a boy did call me last night and so close to V-day when I thought he dropped me like it's hot a week ago - what a brave freakin a-hole!)
I know none of this is new for most of us and may just be another single person venting about how much they hate V-day, but I encourage you to just ignore it. It's another day...another stupid day...and hopefully this landmine can be avoided and we can get back to the months of March thru June, where nothing happens....nothing at all except St. Patrick's Day where everyone gets drunk and the most romantic you'll get is making out with a total stranger who you won't even remember the next day. (Then there's my birthday in June and that's a WHOLE other sob story that I won't get into to.)
Love,
Bear Grylls future wife
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Welcome to the 21st Century, Andrea. Nice to have you with us.
So, it happened again.
First, I should explain about my televisions. They are old. Both of them. Yep, I still live in the world of analog when it comes to my television sets. They are both more square than rectangular. They both have a curved surface screen. Without Directv, neither would pick up a signal of any kind, let alone a digital one. And as much as I love television, watching television, watching movies, my DVR, and the look of the Planet Earth series on a 60" plasma screen, I flat out (no pun intended) refuse to pay more than $200 for a television. So, my TVs are old.
And they are small. I have high hopes for bigger screens, but I have to wait until Heinz gets a new TV. You see, how it works is Heinz gets a new TV. The old one moves into Mother’s living room. The TV in the living room moves up to the den. The TV in the den then moves into the back of my truck and on to my living room. The one in my living room moves into my bedroom. And the one in my bedroom goes to the highest bidder. Okay, so the only way to even get charities to take it is to leave it at their back door, knock and run before they make me take it back! So, until Heinz gets a new TV, I’m stuck with analog.
“What does that mean to the average viewer?” you ask. Here is where my story gets its meat.
Now days, television shows are shot in an HD format, or what you might call a wide screen. They are shot to fit within the space of the new televisions. The digital receiving, HD ready, flat screens. Most times the action of the shot occurs in what we call “TV”, the smaller screen, and those who have the wider will get more background or more of the shoulder of an actor in the corner of the screen. Every now and then, much to my chagrin, the action will take place in “HD” - a.k.a. the space that is outside the scope of my TV screen.
The first time this phenomena happened, I was watching my favorite show, Glee. It’s a fantastic show. I encourage everyone to watch. Anyway, coming out of a commercial, the screen fills with what I think is an establishing shot, that first shot of the scene that introduces the setting before the actors appear and start talking. But the establishing shot is going on for a long time. It’s just a shot of a football field. Nobody is there yet. But I can hear them talking. Sometimes they do this. You see an empty set and hear the actors talk right before they appear in the scene. But the actors never appear. They keep talking. Then a football flies across the screen. Then it flies back. This goes on for the better part of the scene. I am dumfounded. What’s going on?! What is wrong with the picture?
That is when it hit me. There is nothing wrong with the picture. It’s my old TV. If only I had a wider screen I would see clearly the actors, throwing the football back and forth to each other from opposite sides, in “HD”. Once I realize what is going on, I just laugh. I work in television production. I watch the monitors, so I see what goes on in “HD” verses “TV”. I also know that for the most part, directors try to keep the action in “TV”. It is a bold director who puts both actors in “HD”, successfully hiding them from the analog watching viewer. We don’t all have the new TVs yet. I guess if that scene was any indication of what is to come, I will have to either break down and buy a new tv, or get really good at recognizing voices!
It has been a while since that scene. I have watched a lot of television since, but haven’t had a recurrence. Until tonight. Supernatural. Another great show I highly recommend. End of the show. Poignant and touching scene. Dean sits to address his long time friend in a wheelchair and tell him how much he means to him. Except, all I see is Dean talking to the wall. The friend completely gone, hidden from my sight line, in “HD”.
In closing, I leave you with this thought:
Heinz! I think there is a big TV sale going on down at the Best Buy this weekend! You should definitely check it out.
First, I should explain about my televisions. They are old. Both of them. Yep, I still live in the world of analog when it comes to my television sets. They are both more square than rectangular. They both have a curved surface screen. Without Directv, neither would pick up a signal of any kind, let alone a digital one. And as much as I love television, watching television, watching movies, my DVR, and the look of the Planet Earth series on a 60" plasma screen, I flat out (no pun intended) refuse to pay more than $200 for a television. So, my TVs are old.
And they are small. I have high hopes for bigger screens, but I have to wait until Heinz gets a new TV. You see, how it works is Heinz gets a new TV. The old one moves into Mother’s living room. The TV in the living room moves up to the den. The TV in the den then moves into the back of my truck and on to my living room. The one in my living room moves into my bedroom. And the one in my bedroom goes to the highest bidder. Okay, so the only way to even get charities to take it is to leave it at their back door, knock and run before they make me take it back! So, until Heinz gets a new TV, I’m stuck with analog.
“What does that mean to the average viewer?” you ask. Here is where my story gets its meat.
Now days, television shows are shot in an HD format, or what you might call a wide screen. They are shot to fit within the space of the new televisions. The digital receiving, HD ready, flat screens. Most times the action of the shot occurs in what we call “TV”, the smaller screen, and those who have the wider will get more background or more of the shoulder of an actor in the corner of the screen. Every now and then, much to my chagrin, the action will take place in “HD” - a.k.a. the space that is outside the scope of my TV screen.
The first time this phenomena happened, I was watching my favorite show, Glee. It’s a fantastic show. I encourage everyone to watch. Anyway, coming out of a commercial, the screen fills with what I think is an establishing shot, that first shot of the scene that introduces the setting before the actors appear and start talking. But the establishing shot is going on for a long time. It’s just a shot of a football field. Nobody is there yet. But I can hear them talking. Sometimes they do this. You see an empty set and hear the actors talk right before they appear in the scene. But the actors never appear. They keep talking. Then a football flies across the screen. Then it flies back. This goes on for the better part of the scene. I am dumfounded. What’s going on?! What is wrong with the picture?
That is when it hit me. There is nothing wrong with the picture. It’s my old TV. If only I had a wider screen I would see clearly the actors, throwing the football back and forth to each other from opposite sides, in “HD”. Once I realize what is going on, I just laugh. I work in television production. I watch the monitors, so I see what goes on in “HD” verses “TV”. I also know that for the most part, directors try to keep the action in “TV”. It is a bold director who puts both actors in “HD”, successfully hiding them from the analog watching viewer. We don’t all have the new TVs yet. I guess if that scene was any indication of what is to come, I will have to either break down and buy a new tv, or get really good at recognizing voices!
It has been a while since that scene. I have watched a lot of television since, but haven’t had a recurrence. Until tonight. Supernatural. Another great show I highly recommend. End of the show. Poignant and touching scene. Dean sits to address his long time friend in a wheelchair and tell him how much he means to him. Except, all I see is Dean talking to the wall. The friend completely gone, hidden from my sight line, in “HD”.
In closing, I leave you with this thought:
Heinz! I think there is a big TV sale going on down at the Best Buy this weekend! You should definitely check it out.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
An Open Appology - The Lady and the Dog
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the lack of actual blogging going on on this page. Remember, I am new at this whole form of communication. I cannot decide what is the best story to start with. And then there is the whole task of editing said story, etc. So I leave you with this short tale. Apologies again for lack of any excitement therein. And there really wasn't much editing or rewriting. I mean it. The following story is in no way representative of essays to come. Okay. Well, maybe it is. I really don't know what I'm doing. And this story will serve to prove that point beyond a doubt. But wanted you to have at least something to read. Enjoy. But, please, don't judge.
The Lady and the Dog.
A couple of days ago*, while driving in my car (Sorry. Redundant. Really, where else would I be driving?), I saw the funniest thing. A lady all in white (white shirt, white tank, white capris, and a white handbag) was being attacked by some sort of tiny yappy Yorkie dog. From what I could tell, the dog had a hold of a corner of her handbag and would not let go. She was running and carrying on as if the dog was Cujo, complete with blood dripping from his canines! The owner was chasing after the little dog, trying to catch him, but the lady kept running away. She ran out into the street (Vermont) and all the way across four lanes, dog in tow, before either the dog let go or the owner got him. Hard to tell. I was watching most of it from my rear view mirror. Lucky for her, and the dog, it was early morning and there was no traffic. She did not even look before backing into the street. She was flailing as if she was in mortal danger. As if some great white shark had a hold of her and was about to swallow her whole. ( I will take this opportunity to admit to too much Shark Week.) It was just a tiny yappy dog. And the poor owner, trying to grab the dog. If only the lady had stood her ground, I’m sure the owner would have pried the dog loose much sooner. It was the craziest thing. Unreal. Like out of a movie except if you ever saw it in a movie you would say, “That’s preposterous! Nothing like that would ever happen. No one would ever react so violently to a Yorkie!”
I take that back. I know several people who live in close proximity to a Yorkie, and their reactions and thoughts are always of a violent nature. I guess the Yorkie just brings out the evil in mankind. Hmmm. Maybe the hound of hell is not a Rottweiler at all, but a Yorkie!
* Bold face lie. I wrote this sometime last August.
The Lady and the Dog.
A couple of days ago*, while driving in my car (Sorry. Redundant. Really, where else would I be driving?), I saw the funniest thing. A lady all in white (white shirt, white tank, white capris, and a white handbag) was being attacked by some sort of tiny yappy Yorkie dog. From what I could tell, the dog had a hold of a corner of her handbag and would not let go. She was running and carrying on as if the dog was Cujo, complete with blood dripping from his canines! The owner was chasing after the little dog, trying to catch him, but the lady kept running away. She ran out into the street (Vermont) and all the way across four lanes, dog in tow, before either the dog let go or the owner got him. Hard to tell. I was watching most of it from my rear view mirror. Lucky for her, and the dog, it was early morning and there was no traffic. She did not even look before backing into the street. She was flailing as if she was in mortal danger. As if some great white shark had a hold of her and was about to swallow her whole. ( I will take this opportunity to admit to too much Shark Week.) It was just a tiny yappy dog. And the poor owner, trying to grab the dog. If only the lady had stood her ground, I’m sure the owner would have pried the dog loose much sooner. It was the craziest thing. Unreal. Like out of a movie except if you ever saw it in a movie you would say, “That’s preposterous! Nothing like that would ever happen. No one would ever react so violently to a Yorkie!”
I take that back. I know several people who live in close proximity to a Yorkie, and their reactions and thoughts are always of a violent nature. I guess the Yorkie just brings out the evil in mankind. Hmmm. Maybe the hound of hell is not a Rottweiler at all, but a Yorkie!
* Bold face lie. I wrote this sometime last August.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Are You Happy Now?!
At the constant badgering of my entire family and coterie of friends, I am finally starting a blog. I imagine they all assume that if I have an outlet for my observations (read: rants), I will stop calling and bothering them.
How wrong they are. Now, they will be tormented with draft after draft of my postings pre-posting. (I am much too insecure to post before feedback and spell check!)
Good Luck to us all!
xoxoxo
(Get used to it. I sign everything this way. A habit I cannot, and will not break.)
P.S. Is "coterie of friends" redundant?
How wrong they are. Now, they will be tormented with draft after draft of my postings pre-posting. (I am much too insecure to post before feedback and spell check!)
Good Luck to us all!
xoxoxo
(Get used to it. I sign everything this way. A habit I cannot, and will not break.)
P.S. Is "coterie of friends" redundant?
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