Saturday, February 13, 2010

Guest Posting: La Petite Soeur

The following is an essay my sister wrote about her approach to Black Sunday. Since the piece is timely, and she has no blogspot of her own, I offered to post it for her. I hope you enjoy.


I don't have a blog, but there are some times in life I wish I did. Today on the bus, as this lovely holiday approaches, I was thinking about Valentine's Day. So, here it goes. Hopefully it will make you chuckle....if you go for the slightly cynical…

Let's be honest, whether you're in a loving relationship or not, this holiday blows. You can pretend "Oh, let's love each other and just spread love." But we know this holiday was created for some commercial crap and those stupid in love couples. Now, I've had good boyfriends on V-day and my expectations became so ridiculously high about how they will surprise me, what gift they might get, only to find one year that my boyfriend was working and forgot and another year I ended up with a crappy box of chocolate from the freakin grocery store.

So this year I've decided to pretend it doesn't exist. This might seem weird since I'm writing something about it, but I would like to share with you what that looks like. For example, if I'm watching TV and see a commercial for something to do with hearts and jewelry for V-day, I change the channel and move onto another show. That network just lost me as a viewer (for that time.) Sad for them. This has resulted in me watching a lot of Discovery Channel shows like Man vs. Wild, Dirtiest Job, and Deadliest Catch because the Discovery Channel doesn't give a rat's ass about them! I could watch Bear Grylls (the host of Man vs. Wild) almost get killed by a bear any day. It never disappoints because he always manages to make it out alive! Shocking!

Another example - I was walking to the train today with my normal routine of grabbing a copy of the Red Eye, the free Chicago daily newspaper, and there was a big fat stupid looking cupid on the front and I went to grab for it and decided not to. This holiday does not exist and I am not familiar with that character. Done and done.

Third, people everywhere are talking about their V-day plans. I'm in Chicago and they like to say they're "relationship people" so EVERYONE is taken, mostly young and don't-know-any-better-cuz-it's-so-cold people. I immediately change the conversation to see who watched the most recent Man vs. Wild or how much I still love Jersey Shore. You'll be surprised how easy it is to distract people from talking about their weekend plans if you bring up Jersey Shore...who DOESN'T love/hate Snookie?

Now, TV won't always save you from the nagging reminder you are single, a detrimental state of mind that only V-day can magnify to the tenth degree. In which case, look to the power that thinking about horrible relationships holds. If I start to feel sorry for myself, I think about those horrible douches I dated in the past or the couples for which I thank God every day I am not one of them in that schmoopy vs. schmoopy relationship. This sets my mind at ease and reminds me how awesome I am for not being with that long gone asshole or in a relationship that sounds like too much work for it's own good.

Last, I would like to point out how damaging this holiday is for people who JUST started dating. It's a curse and not fun at all. You have to ask yourself, “Do I wish him/her a happy V-day?” “Do I have to hangout with him/her on V-day?” “Are they going to expect me to buy flowers,” etc, etc. Having to watch those painful V-day commercials with your new dude is awkward and you both shift in your seat. (I recently had this happen and asked if he could turn to the Discovery Channel instead.) Any dude who calls me around this holiday is not only the bravest man on earth but also welcoming me to go to Crazytown (my friend Bridget's word that I love) with my sudden urge to expect something from him. What a brave freakin soul! I don't even think Bear Grylls could get out that one alive. (I write this because, yes, a boy did call me last night and so close to V-day when I thought he dropped me like it's hot a week ago - what a brave freakin a-hole!)

I know none of this is new for most of us and may just be another single person venting about how much they hate V-day, but I encourage you to just ignore it. It's another day...another stupid day...and hopefully this landmine can be avoided and we can get back to the months of March thru June, where nothing happens....nothing at all except St. Patrick's Day where everyone gets drunk and the most romantic you'll get is making out with a total stranger who you won't even remember the next day. (Then there's my birthday in June and that's a WHOLE other sob story that I won't get into to.)

Bear Grylls future wife